Table manners for gentlemen are not a set of tricks designed to catch you out. They are a quiet way of making the people at your table comfortable, whether you are hosting a Christmas dinner, sitting through a client lunch, or taking someone to a restaurant you chose with care. The holiday season in the United States is when these habits are tested most often: more formal place settings, longer wine lists, and more business dinners dressed up as celebrations. This guide covers the cutlery, the napkin and the glasses, how to order wine, what to do with your phone, how to tip, and who should pay — at a business meal and on a date.
Key takeaways
- Work from the outside in: forks on the left, knives and spoons on the right, water glass above the knives, wine glasses to the right of the water.
- Place the napkin in your lap as soon as you sit, and when you leave the table fold it loosely and set it to the left of the plate.
- Both the Continental and American styles of using a knife and fork are acceptable in the United States; what matters is control and a closed mouth.
- If you are the host, you choose the wine, you may ask the sommelier for help, and you pick up the bill.
- Silence the phone and keep it off the table. If a real emergency may arrive, say so once, then step away to take the call.
- In American restaurants, tip 15 to 20 percent of the pre-tax bill for sit-down service, and do it discreetly.
- The person who issued the invitation pays, at a business dinner and on a first date, unless you have already agreed to share the cost.
The Place Setting: Cutlery, Napkin and Glassware
A formal table looks more complicated than it is. The Emily Post Institute’s first rule unlocks the rest: utensils are placed in the order of use, from the outside in. Forks go to the left of the plate; knives and spoons go to the right, with the knife blade facing inward toward the plate. The only common exception is an oyster fork, which sits to the right if it is needed. If a course is not being served, its utensil should not be on the table.
Glasses live on the right, above the knives and spoons. The water goblet stands directly above the knives. A red or white wine glass sits just to its right, and a champagne flute or a smaller glass for an opening toast, if there is one, sits farther right still, in the order they will be used. A simple way to remember the rest is the old “b” and “d” trick: the bread plate belongs on the left, drinks on the right. The napkin may sit on a charger, in the center of the plate, to the left of the forks, or under the forks if space is tight. White linen still reads as the most formal choice, but a well-pressed colored napkin is perfectly elegant.
Original article: Proper Table Setting 101: Everything You Need to Know — Emily Post
Original article: The Formal Place Setting — Emily Post
How to Hold and Use the Knife and Fork
Holding the utensils properly is less about ceremony than about control. When you cut, Emily Post advises holding the fork and the knife with the handle in the palm and the thumb, index and middle fingers just at the neck of the utensil. Do not use the fork like a shovel or grip it in a fist. Cut only a piece or two at a time. When the fork or spoon is used alone, the handle rests in the web of the thumb and index finger, with the middle finger underneath.
In the United States two styles are accepted, and you may switch between them during the same course. In the Continental style, the fork stays in the left hand after you cut, tines pointed down, and the knife can act as a quiet pusher. In the American style, sometimes called the zigzag method, the fork is transferred to the right hand and used tines up. The Emily Post Institute notes that Continental is often simpler, which is why many American diners prefer it at formal holiday meals. Either is correct. What is not correct is waving a knife while you talk, or leaving a dirty knife on the tablecloth.
Pace yourself with the rest of the table. If you eat quickly, slow down; if you eat slowly, use the conversation to catch up rather than making others wait. Do not reach across the setting; ask for things to be passed. Chew with your mouth closed, and if a question arrives mid-bite, a raised finger is enough to say you will answer in a moment. Sit up. Elbows stay off the table while you are eating; they may rest there, as they always could, once the course is finished and you are talking.
Original article: Top Table Manners Tips — Emily Post
Original article: Table Manners - Continental Style Dining — Emily Post
Napkin Etiquette, From the First Minute to the Last
Place the napkin in your lap as soon as you sit down, and use it through the meal to keep yourself tidy. Dab your mouth discreetly, then return it to your lap. Do not tuck it into your collar.
When you leave the table, for a moment or at the end of the meal, the Emily Post Institute recommends one consistent gesture: fold the napkin loosely and lay it to the left of the plate. Their mnemonic is “LL” — loosely, to the left. Older advice sometimes put the napkin on the chair if you planned to return, or on the plate when you were finished. Emily Post argues against both. A napkin on the plate picks up food; a napkin on the chair can transfer that mess onto the seat, and then onto someone’s clothes. Do not ball the napkin up, and do not refold it into its original sharp rectangle. A soft, obvious fold is enough, at a restaurant and at a private holiday dinner.
Original article: Table Manners Video - The Napkin — Emily Post
Original article: Top Table Manners Tips — Emily Post
How to Order Wine, and How to Taste It
If you are hosting — that is, if you are paying — the wine list is your responsibility. Debrett’s is clear on this point. You may ask your guests what they prefer, and you should glance at what they are ordering to eat, but you do not hand the list around the table and hope for a committee decision. In a business setting the pressure can feel sharper than it needs to be. Debrett’s advice is to aim for a sensible bottle, to remember that most people care less about the wine than you think, and, when in doubt, to ask the sommelier. A quiet word about budget is not unsophisticated. It is how a professional helps you.
A few anchors will get you through most holiday lists. Chablis, made from Chardonnay, is a crisp, reliable white; Rioja, made from Tempranillo, is a food-friendly, medium-bodied red. For salads, white fish and chicken, a lively Sauvignon Blanc, Chardonnay or Pinot Gris is a natural partner. For red meat, a Bordeaux blend or a Malbec will stand up to the plate. If the table is ordering very different dishes, wine by the glass is a perfectly elegant solution.
When the bottle arrives, the sommelier or waiter will present the label, then pour a small taste for the host. You are checking that the wine is the one you ordered and that it is sound, not performing a lecture. A brief look, a short sip and a nod are enough. If the wine is clearly faulty — a musty, corked smell, or a vinegary fault — say so calmly and let the restaurant replace it. Do not send a bottle back because it is not your favorite style. Guests should leave the tasting and the ordering to the host, and not pre-empt a second bottle. Choose modestly unless the host encourages you to do otherwise, and wait until everyone has been served before you start.
Original article: The rules of restaurants • Debretts
Original article: Choosing the Wine: How to Handle the Pressure • Debretts
Original article: How To Order Wine Like A Pro
Phones at the Table
Emily Post’s rule is simple and current: your phone should be silenced and put away during the meal. It should not sit beside the forks, and it should not be glanced at between courses. The point of a dinner, especially in the holiday weeks, is the people in front of you.
There are narrow exceptions. If the host invites the table to photograph the setting before anyone begins, do it quickly and then put the phone away. If you have a genuine reason to stay reachable — a child at home with a fever, a family member in hospital — say so once, keep the phone on vibrate, and step away from the table if that call comes. The same courtesy applies to a business dinner. Unless you have warned the table that you are waiting on a time-sensitive call, the deal can wait until coffee.
Original article: Top Table Manners Tips — Emily Post
Tipping in the United States
Tipping is easier when you treat it as a settled habit. The Emily Post Institute’s guide is straightforward: for sit-down wait service, tip 15 to 20 percent of the pre-tax bill. For a buffet, 10 percent is appropriate. A bartender may be tipped one or two dollars a drink, or 15 to 20 percent of the tab, and a valet a few dollars when the car is returned.
Calculate the tip on the pre-tax amount if you wish, and do it discreetly. Carry some cash, because not every service can take a tip on a card. If a large party has an automatic service charge, read the bill before you add another percentage. Peter Post’s advice for a business meal is even cleaner: when you book, you may leave a card and ask that the meal plus a 20 percent tip be charged at the end, so that no check appears on the table. A generous tip is not a license to be abrupt, and kindness is not a substitute for a proper tip.
Original article: Tipping Etiquette 101: A Comprehensive Guide on Tipping — Emily Post
Original article: Finer Points of Tipping — Emily Post
Original article: Business Meals: Who Pays? — Emily Post
Who Pays: The Business Dinner and the Date
The rule is still the most elegant one. The person who requests the pleasure pays for the pleasure. Debrett’s puts it without decoration: if you invited the table, you pick up the tab, whether the occasion is a date or a business lunch. Going Dutch is fine for a larger group of friends, with the bill divided equally and without a tedious audit of who ordered the more expensive dish. It is not the right move on a date you initiated.
For a business meal, Emily Post is equally direct. The person who asked for the meeting pays. To avoid a tussle over the check, tell the maître d’ or the waiter when you arrive that the bill should come to you. Better still, as Peter Post advises, arrange payment when you reserve, including the tip, so the check never lands between you and your guest. If a well-meaning guest insists, be firm and kind: this one is yours, and they may treat next time. Gender is irrelevant. The person who issued the invitation is the host.
On a first date the same principle holds. The 18th edition of Emily Post’s etiquette, cited in contemporary dating advice, states that for a first date at least, the person who asks should pay unless both parties have agreed in advance to share expenses. That agreement, if you want it, should be clear before you sit down. Debrett’s adds that going Dutch is not recommended on a date. If you are the guest, a sincere offer to contribute is courteous; if the host declines, put the card away after one attempt and say thank you. In a larger group, Debrett’s prefers an equal split, with a little generosity from anyone who has ordered markedly above the rest of the table.
Original article: The rules of restaurants • Debretts
Original article: Business Meals: Who Pays? — Emily Post
Original article: It’s Decided—This Is Who Should Pay The First Date Bill In 2025
Holiday Dinners: Host and Guest
The weeks from Thanksgiving through the New Year are when table manners do the most work: the meals are longer, the guest lists are mixed, and the expectations are higher. Emily Post’s advice to hosts is to invite clearly, to mention dress, timing and dietary limits, and then to stay present once people arrive. Assign a helpful task if someone asks to be useful, but do not disappear into the kitchen.
Guests should RSVP promptly, arrive on time, and not bring an unannounced extra person. Offer to help, then accept the answer. Join the conversation and leave contentious topics alone unless the host has clearly opened that door. Thank your hosts when you leave, and follow with a short note the next day. At a restaurant celebration the same instincts apply: the person who organized the evening is the host, and your job as a guest is to be easy to include. If you are hosting at a restaurant in this season, book early, confirm dietary needs, and settle the payment method before anyone sits down.
Original article: Holiday Houseguest Manners — Emily Post
Original article: Party Etiquette Tips for Party Hosts and Guests — Emily Post
Product picks
RIEDEL Vinum Cabernet Sauvignon / Merlot, set of 2 — $85
The machine-made Vinum glasses, designed around the character of full-bodied red wines, are a sensible luxury for a holiday table: a generous bowl, a clear crystal stem, and a pair presented together.
riedel.com – RIEDEL Vinum Cabernet Sauvignon / Merlot, set of 2
Christofle Albi Acier Stainless Steel Individual Flatware Set, 5 pieces — $220
A place setting for one — dinner fork, dinner knife, tablespoon, salad fork and teaspoon — in the clean, straight lines of Christofle’s Albi collection, in stainless steel made for regular, careful use.
christofle.com – Albi Acier 5-piece individual place setting
Forge de Laguiole Olive Wood Corkscrew, satin finish — $279
A waiter’s-style corkscrew handmade in Laguiole, France, with an olive-wood handle, martensitic stainless steel and a leather sheath, designed with sommeliers and measuring about 12 cm when closed.
forge-de-laguiole-usa.com – Olive wood corkscrew
FAQ
What are the essential table manners for gentlemen?
Sit straight, put the napkin in your lap at once, work from the outside in, cut one or two bites at a time, chew with your mouth closed, and keep your phone away. If you are the host, you order the wine and you pay. If you are the guest, you follow the host’s lead and do not reach for the most extravagant dish unless you are invited to.
Is it better to eat in the Continental or the American style?
Both are correct in the United States, and you may switch during the same course. In the Continental style the fork stays in the left hand, tines down. In the American style the fork moves to the right hand, tines up, after you cut. Choose the one you can use cleanly.
Who should pay at a business dinner or on a date?
The person who issued the invitation pays, unless you have already agreed to share the cost. For a business meal, arrange the bill in advance or ask that it be brought only to you. On a first date, the person who asked should pay; a polite offer from the guest is welcome, but it should not turn into a struggle over the check.
How much should I tip in an American restaurant?
Emily Post’s guideline for sit-down service is 15 to 20 percent of the pre-tax bill. Tip discreetly, read the check for an automatic service charge before you add another percentage, and treat the staff with the same courtesy you brought to the table.
What should I do with my napkin when I leave the table?
Fold it loosely and place it to the left of your plate, whether you are stepping away for a moment or leaving for the evening. Do not put it on the chair or on the plate.